Thank you Joe

You did it just for the sake of Thanksgiving didn't you? lol.... Joe what I first wonder is, have you been wanting to trap me as your Helen Keller intentionally or have you been mad that I've never been able to make sense of anything? I really hate to further get involved in some dramas because some dramas look as though it will always only be "when violence begets violence." I just hate being in that. I've never been one to be at anyone's mercy, but there are times that I become an outnumbered victim and it can feel like such a death threat to be outnumbered and ganged up on. You saved me from feeling so ganged up on and outnumbered and I'm glad you grabbed me in this instance. I wouldn't be surprised if Erin fought for you or your respect after making an Amanda Knox monster out of her. It is my long standing truth though. I know she has a higher education and probably a higher salary but I can't stand the control she wants, the shots she wants to call, or the judge she wants to be. I know I don't trust her. I was in a very judged and isolated place when I was in college and Shawn Shaffer appeared to be dating her. Whether that was the truth or I was being ridiculously interrogated by some far fetched cop with another person they wanted me to be murderously subjected to, she is one I was being forced to be threatened over. Like I won't always care what other people say, I know Erin has a strength to not care what other people say either. It looks like Amanda is actually luckier than I right now, but she has had to live through a lot of judgment, exploitation, and turmoil, and I honestly know that more than any of the rest than what her story is. I get brief glances of news sometimes, but I'm mostly an ignorant person who got a glimpse enough of the story and don't know the outcome of how her freedom came about and what her innocence is. I never gave whatever story it was a chance. When it comes to being in control and giving people chances, it seems I have been a very unfortunate one with the way I can never win in a person's right to want to call the shots with me like it is for them to give or not give a chance. Knowing this, I still make my choices of who I will and won't give a chance to. It's really painful to know that I'm being murdered to be in submission and at mercy sometimes. It is so hurtful to me. I appreciate you wanting to support me in wanting to make Erin feel like the mean monster she was to me...… While you can give me some relief, I believe you are still not what I'm looking for. You're a married man whose already gone on with your life. Because of another cheat you had with my sister and another betraying occasion where I remember feeling violently scolded but not knowing what hit me, I just never thought much of you after that. I'm probably not what your looking for either but I think you got something you wanted and I'm not really mad about it right now. I'm still looking for a man I can have all to my own and he can have me all to his own. Happy Thanksgiving Joe!

yay another sexual victimization game

I had a lot of anger let out of me yesterday and still have anger issues. Some would think I should be embarassed to bring it up, but I think it is others who should be embarassesd in their bad judgement and sexual victimization. I can give many examples of it, but the one I notice that is the most hypersensitive is my eyes.
People have not won this one.
I only see hatred, inadequate revenge, and hypersensitive bad judgement. There have been people who have tried to make me out as a pervert. Even my own sister sadistically and inadequately likes to accuse me of looking at her in a perverted way. Like I said, I think it is them who should be embarassed.
She'll whip out her boob to show me her new tattoo just to say I was staring at her breasts. She will hand me her camera to flip through her shots to see her friends when I stumble upon some naked pictures while she stalkishly watches me and the minute I push the next button to find a surprised naked picture, "Sarah! What are you doing?!" My sister likes to play it off that I'm a retarded pervert. She knows I'm not. Its immature revenge, plain and simple.
I know I have brought it up before, but I meant it more towards the hunting men. The men who want to know what exact info it is that I'm looking up on my computer. What books am I reading? A possessiveness of what other men I am into.
I just look at what others assume as nothing but cancer and sexual abuse and victimization ON THEIR END.
I'm still a little shook up from yesterdays anger. It was a true and passionate anger and I hate the place I am, my helplessness, my isolation, that I really don't have many people in this world I can trust or who I think has either fair or adequate intelligence. Some people are smart; they really would rather let corruption win.
I really don't want to turn this into good and evil. I really would like to compete with the intelligence I have. With the way things roll sometimes, with how politics, assumptions, choices come out, sometimes, I have to use good and positive character traits as my battle ground.
I feel because of this, it has hindered a lot of growth in other areas that I really want more development and growth with.
So, when I fail a little, I don't really beat myself up much over because I know the background and past couple years I have come from.


Read more: http://www.myspace.com/sarah.riffey83/blog?bID=539162264#ixzz0zcEmmeVB